I’m Quitting the Music Business

I’m Quitting the Music Business

Album art by Sam Guzik.
All tracks written, arranged, recorded, mixed, engineered, produced, mastered, and performed completely by Jonah Rank unless indicated otherwise. © 2011 Rank Records.


1. I’m Quitting the Music Business (An Introduction)


2. Rock & Roll Or the Rabbinate

Lead guitar performed and improvised by Andrés Wilson.
Everything else by Jonah Rank.

I was born a Jewboy and a preacher man’s son.
I had music in my hands and frontlets above my eyes.
They’ve been asking me if I will follow in my daddy’s footsteps
Ever since the day when I was circumcised.
Everybody watched me grow,
They’d say “Whatcha wanna do?” I’d say “Idunno.”
So people’d call, say, “Beware,” then “you’re bound to fall.”
But, I’d snap on a guitar strap ‘neath my prayer shawl.
It was always my habit,
At the black end of the Sabbath,
I’d listen to a guitar solo and get to tabbin’ it
I was your typical boy who rocks out
Waving his arms with his bagels and lox out,
So it was either rock & roll or the rabbinate.

I believe in rock and roll but Idunno if music can save me,
Yet I’m happy to jam and rock though I’m a skeptic.
Yes, you and I can duel and play sweet tasty solos,
But it won’t be better than my gramma’s recipe for kreplach.
Girl, you know we’ll get it right
When it comes this Friday night:
Girl, you’re going to light my fire—
You can wear modest attire.
You bet that after I’m rocked
By Lewandowsky and Carlebach
I’ll take cream cheese out for bagels and start stabbin’ it.
I met a girl who sang the blues
And asked her which one she would choose
If it were either rock & roll or the rabbinate.
Suffice it to say, she said rock & roll.
And then she told me not to interrupt her songs anymore when she’s on the stage.

Imagine some hard days or nights
When I’m working like a dog
Doing some strange cultic rites
Right at my own synagogue.
If that’s the way the money flows,
Then c’est la vie; that’s how life goes.
But I heard Neil Young sing about
Rocking in a world that’s free
If the world is free, then without a doubt
The salary of rock & roll’s all right by me.
But I can’t get no satisfaction
When starvation’s a distraction.

But all economics aside,
I know that I must decide.
When the Greene-Horne of opportunity comes, I’ll be grabbin’ it.
Whether it’s Ozzy Osbourne eating bats
Or kneidlach cooked by Mrs. Katz,
It’s either rock & roll or the rabbinate.
I’ll rock your ears like a cradle.
Then we all can play dreidel.
It’s either rock & roll or the rabbinate.
Cucucachu, Mrs. Robinson,
Have you met the rebbetzin?
It’s either rock & roll or the rabbinate.
I’ll always be the King of Pain,
And you can be my Queen of Chrain,
It’s either rock & roll or the rabbinate.
It’s always rock & roll.
It’s only rock & roll.
It’s either rock & roll or the rabbinate.


3. The Debate Over the Most Important Meal


4. Meals Are the Most Important Food Of the Day

A child sits under a table and dreams
Of a world full of sweet-tooth chocolate creams.
She opens her troubled eyes and looks back.
Now she’s determined to eat a small snack.
She fills up a colorful plate of mass-produced foods
Designed to stimulate hyperactive moods.
She’s energized now and she thinks that’s okay,
But meals are the most important food of the day.

Breakfast gets you up, and lunch and dinner keep you going.
Drinks keep you hydrated, and protein keeps you growing.
Carbs and sugars do other stuff too.
And if you vary what you eat, supposedly that’s good for you.
But clump your foods together; don’t just eat here and there
‘Cause when you eat sparse foods intermittently, satisfaction is rare.
Yes, your stomach may growl and your intestines may bray
‘Cause Meals are the most important food of the day.

All kinds of people eat snacks all the time.
The occasional snack is no civil crime.
But when the Surgeon General speaks, you’re gonna hear him say,
“Meals are the most important…
They are the most important…
Meals are the most important…
Food of the day.”

Don’t cut corners; you can’t get away (from the fact that)
Meals are the important food of the day.
Don’t just have a bite; go fill up a tray.
Meals are the important food of the day.
You better eat a full meal when you start an entrée.
Meals are the important food of the day.
Whether you’re from Brooklyn or you’re from Bombay,
Meals are the important food of the day.
Don’t give dessert too much credit. Meals are here to stay.
Meals are the important food of the day.
You can ask Dr. Phil, Dr. Ruth, or Dr. Dre.
Meals are the important food of the day.


5. Romance Is Easier In Spanish


6. Tú Eres Mi Especial Hamburguesita

Spanish proofread by Jael Goldstein.
Everything else by Jonah Rank.

Muchas personas no te exaltan.
Pero, hay una planeta que la puedes salvar.
Ellos no pueden comprender tu potenciál.
Pero, cuando yo te miro, yo necesito salivar.

Tú eres mi especial hamburguesita.
Tú eres guapa y muy bonita.
En mis ojos y mi vida, tu eres gloriosita.
Tú eres mi especial hamburgesita.

Cuando yo no estoy contigo,
No puedo imaginar mi vida sin ti ni hoy ni mañana
Y también deseo matar a todos
Y quiero destruir cada tomate y manzana.

Tú eres mi especial hamburguesita.
Tú eres lo mejor cuando estás con una pita.
Te comeré con una papa frita.
Tú eres mi especial hamburgesita.

Yo no podría vivir si no comiera carne
Hay muchas cosas fantasticas que puedes darme.
Yo me moriría si fuera vegeteriano.
Estoy contento cuando te agarro en mi mano.

Tú eres mi especial hamburguesita.
Tú inspiras a cada persona a hacerse gordita.
Sorbo los vientos por ti una poquita.
Tú eres mi especial hamburguesita.


7. A Love Tainted By Xenophobia


8. Café Ana

Jonah Rank thinks that he might have written it with Jim Morrison of The Doors, but it’s unlikely. Everything else is by Jonah Rank.

Analuísa serves everyday
Coffee that’s brown in a mug that’s gray.
She asks me “Con leche?” And I say, “Okay,”
‘Cause I don’t know what that means or what I’m supposed to say.

I don’t believe in Café Ana.
I don’t believe.
I cannot speak in Café Ana.
I cannot speak.

Analuísa works the whole shop.
When I ask her for coffee, I just ask for a drop,
But she keeps on pouring when I tell her to stop.
But I always give my excess coffee to the nearest cop.

I don’t believe in Café Ana.
I don’t believe.
My cup overflows in Café Ana.
My cup overflows.

Analuísa never drinks her own drinks.
I see the other customers, and we exchange winks.
We all know just what Analuísa thinks,
But she won’t admit that her coffee stinks.

I don’t believe in Café Ana.
I don’t believe.
I don’t buy into Café Ana.
I don’t buy into it.
I’m lactose-intolerant at Café Ana.
I would never order milk.
I don’t support Café Ana
Except I give it cash.
I don’t believe in Café Ana.
I don’t believe.


9. Solving the ABBA Problem


10. Mr. Krant (Do You Remember the 70s?)

Shoving nachos into your mouth
As The Chosen sits upon your couch,
You watch the Taco Bell Chihuahua
On a TV set you bought in Walla-Walla,
And I interrupt, Michael.

I say, “Mr. Krant, do you remember the 70s
The way that I do?
I was in a band named ‘JMJM,’ named for
Jonah (me), Mike, Jessie and Michal,
Kind of like how ABBA was named for
Anni-frid, Björn, Benny and Agnetha—
Though we came first, and we had also been Swedish.
And I wrote all of JMJM’s songs,
Which we kindly donated to Benny and Björn.
Though they used all of the songs we gave them
And turned them into smash hits,
There was one song about genetic testing, which they rejected.
Björn and Benny laughed and said
That the song sounded like a bad story for a musical.

Many years later, Catherine Johnson took the song about genetic testing
And turned it into a musical,
Except she used the rest of ABBA’s songs except for that one,
And it seems she didn’t realize the point of the genetic testing
Was to determine who the father of the story’s
Main character is.
But, Mr. Krant, do you remember the 70s
The way that I do?”

You stare blankly at the screen.
You shrug your shoulders, and then you say, “No.”

And then when the commercial ends, you look at me and say,
“This doesn’t even sound like a true story.”


11. Genetic Test (The Missing ABBA Song)

Performed by JMJM—Mike Klein: bass, guitar and background vocals; Michal Mechlovitz: lead vocals; Jonah Rank: drums, keyboards; Jessie Winkler on background vocals.
Mixed and engineered by Mike Klein and Jonah Rank.
Everything else by Jonah Rank.

When my momma Donna had me, she raised me alone—didn’t even have uncles or aunts.
My closest thing to family were the Dynamos: Tanya and Rosie, who wore tight pants.
My momma Donna sang with them a very long time ago–I would say about twenty years.
Since then though she hasn’t done much but sing ABBA songs and be negligent, rich, and drunk on beers.
The real plot began though when I found my momma’s diary and I read just a bit of it.
I shared it with Lisa and Ali, my two only friends; they agreed it says I’m illegitimate.
On July 17th or August 4th I was conceived—or maybe even August 15th
Because Harry Bright, Bill Austin, and Sam Carmichael “dot dot dot…”—whatever that means.

I know I’ve got no brother,
Zero sisters, and one mother.
But now I want to know the rest.
I’ll give my blood, my skin, my hair or even amniotic fluid
Or any other tissue that will do it
And tell me who’s my daddy through a genetic test.

This might not seem to you like much cause for commotion, but, you see, I kinda wanna marry this guy.
I don’t know what his last name is cuz he lacks personality, but I know his first name is Sky.
In fact, my potential fathers (Harry, Bill and Sam) are the only people with last names I know.
It’s not my fault though that no one has last names mentioned; just, Catherine left them out of the show.

So, the peak of conflict comes when I invite my potential dads to my wedding.
But at their arrivals, they each suspect they are my dad cuz back then, they were getting real high, I’m betting.
Yet I find their stupid stupors aggravating cuz I want my dad to give me away as a bride.
There’s no conflict resolution: We all just get confused, and no one’s left with any secrets to hide.

I know I’ve got no brother,
Zero sisters, and one mother.
But now I want to know the rest.
It’s more than trust or love this woman needs
And more than English-language pop songs sung by Swedes
As I find out my dad through a genetic test.

I know I’ve got no brother,
Zero sisters, and one mother.
But now I want to know the rest.
If this confusion means my wedding just won’t be fun,
Let’s call off the wedding and ask for a refund
Cuz I need money, money, money for a genetic test.


12. In Memory of Spencer Maier (The Beginning of an Intermedio)


13. Memories of Adventures With Spencer Movement 1


14. Memories of Adventures With Spencer Movement 2


15. Memories of Adventures With Spencer Movement 3


16. Are Angels Real?


17. Angels Come

Violins performed by Jonathan Bloomfield. Everything else by Jonah Rank.

Chorus:
Angels come.
Angels go.
They’ve got some purpose
That they barely know.
Angels don’t
See their wings.
They just fly away onto
Better things.

I pray to God
That I’m not an angel.
I pray to God
That she’s not one too.
The spirits of angels never
Really die away.
But I want to say to her,
“I want to be alive through you.”

Chorus

I’m in love with,
And in fear of, an angel.
I’m very scared that she’ll
Fly away.
I want to know
If she is an angel, or if
She’s of the mold who’s
Here to stay.

Chorus

I found a small, little place where
I met an angel.
The angel hurt me,
Said some kind words and left.
I had no clue though
That that was an angel.
My heart is empty now,
And my soul is bereft.

Chorus

Angels come.
Angels go.
They’ve got some purpose
That they barely know.
Angels are
Who they’re sent here to be.
They’re not meant to
Stay with me.


18. An Inspiration From John Cage (The End of an Intermedio)


19. The Complete Anthology of Words Pronounced Better By Scots Than By [Other] Brits


20. Sympathizing With the Differences


21. The Agony of Being a Roommate

I know it’s hard for you to remember
To flush the toilet after you’ve gone.
I know how hard it is for you to keep the apartment safe
By not leaving every heating appliance on.
They say that living alone is hard,
But I say living with a roommate is harder.
They say you’ve got to play the right cards,
And sometimes we just wish we were smarter.

Chorus:
Don’t feel bad, roomie. I’m not mad, roomie.
We can start all over again. It’s not too late.
I hope you realize that I can sympathize.
I also know the agony of being a roommate.

I know it’s hard for you to keep in mind
That things are better when you pay your rent.
I know how hard it is for you to keep your brain cells working
While blasting at full volume each NetFlix DVD you’re sent.
They say that living with a roommate is bad,
But I think that it gets better
Because you stopped passing out drunk on my bed,
And I’m very glad about that since you’re a bedwetter.

Chorus

I won’t judge you harshly for:
The chips you left out on the floor;
The toothpaste on the mirror;
The fact you never lock the door;
Singing Metallica songs at midnight
And children songs just before dawn;
The literally random girls you bring home
And fume-inducing drugs you’re on;
When you the break the bathroom door open
As I’m inside and pleading you not to enter;
And that, when you imagine the universe,
You’re convinced you’re in the center;
You can’t figure out how to work the vacuum
And you struggle with a broom;
You’re keeping up a decrepit life,
And you keep a decrepit room.

I know it’s hard to keep in the back of your mind
Not to leave unidentifiable fluids on the chairs.
I know how hard it is for you to stop yourself
From pushing my guests down several flights of stairs.
They say it takes one to get to know one,
But I, for one, can’t figure you out.
Why did you smash my laptop with your microwave,
And—when you set my suits on fire—what was that all about?

Chorus
Have no fear, roomie. You’ll stay here, roomie,
Until I tell Craigslist I need a new roommate.


22. Using Computers and MIDI


23. Mac ‘N’ Keys

I figured I’d record this song in the studio,
But there weren’t any drums.
How can I make a hip-hop hit or a pop song
Without any drums?
When I realized that my lack of a drumset
Wasn’t an uncommon situation,
I gave in and turned on the UltraBeat Drum Machine
Out of common desperation.

Then it seemed the only chords I could play
Were the tonic, sub-mediant, subdominant, and dominant.
Though that progression has been featured in other songs,
I figure it still has the right to be prominent.
After all, after all is said and done:
This music I’m making is hardly amazing; it’s just mildy fun.

I thank God for my Mac ‘n’ keys.
With a MIDI synthesizer, I appear just that much wiser.
I thank God for my Mac ‘n’ keys.
I don’t need to play the bass to play a bass in your face.
So, when I found out that my cowbell orchestra was running late;
I fired them, found a percussion patch, and attempted to replicate.

And then I thought:
Why did I need a cowbell orchestra in this song?
I’m not sure that it would work.
So, I turned it off.

I saw John Williams on the New York subway train,
So I hummed the theme from Jaws.
I tried to articulate to him my love for him
In an independent clause.
And then I asked Mr. Williams if I could borrow
The London Symphony Orchestra’s first-chair flautist.
But I couldn’t make out his response because, of all the sounds on the train,
The mariachi band was the loudest.
See, I could have found a musician, and our personalities might not have clicked.
But, I get by anti-socially relying on my digital tricks.

I thank God for my Mac ‘n’ keys.
Got my Apple and my keyboard; now there’s nothing left that I can afford.
I thank God for my Mac ‘n’ keys.
I broke up with my band because I don’t need a hand.
When I found out that my glockenspiel player died,
I sat in a corner, and I nearly cried.
But I looked around, and then I found
A sufficiently similar sound.

Do you like my glockenspiel?

I want to thank the pirates on the Internet
For giving me these Plug-ins for free.
But, baby, you ain’t heard nothing (original) yet.
But at least the songs I program are superior to me.

I thank God for my Mac ‘n’ keys.
Can you hear me rock-n-rollin’ with my RAM and my Roland?
I thank God for my Mac ‘n’ keys.
I use my Kurzweil in mainstream style.
I wonder how long it’s gonna be before we agree that musicians are extinct.
After all, it’s been a while since I’ve heard a hit song that was relatively distinct.
Maybe you can be my witness
As we slaughter the music business.

I thank God for my Mac ‘n’ keys.
Virtuosity is minimal when the musicians are all digital.
I thank God for my Mac ‘n’ keys,
Keeping people out of work with my Moog and my Korg.
I thank God for my Mac ‘n’ keys.
Place a sound on a plate, and make it reverberate!
I thank God for my Mac ‘n’ keys.
I thank Gosh for my Macintosh.
I thank God for my Mac ‘n’ keys.
I thank Gosh for my Macintosh.
I thank God for my Mac ‘n’ keys.


24. Looking Somewhere Else


25. A Variant On the Masoretic Text (The Song That, For Scholars of Biblical Criticism, Is Emotionally Affective)

You say you’re not looking for my very best.
And I can tell by an apophatic hermeneutical principle that you’re looking for whatever comes next.
If I properly comprehend both you and the Maimonidean Guide for the Perplexed,
You’re looking for a version of me other than the Masoretic text.

I recently heard you tell me that same exact story,
But the first time it was clean, and the second time gory.
And the first time you told it there were numbers involved,
And, the second time you told it, I didn’t like the way it was resolved.

Chorus:
Sometimes when I think you say “E,”
It turns out that you really said, “P.”
And then you say words heretofore never heard
Just like when Josiah discovered D.
Come on, now. Let’s take out the BHS.
You’re looking for a version of me other than the Masoretic text.

Different witnesses I know comment on you in different ways.
And whenever they try to quote you, it seems more like a paraphrase.
So, when I try to—the text here is corrupt—
I guess I’ll just never know what you—the Leningrad codex says “said,” and the Aleppo codex reads, “intended to say.”

Chorus

Do you think that I can change?
I was made this way.

Chorus
Come on, come on, come on, come on. Don’t touch me! I’m a rare manuscript!
Come on, now! Let’s go to the Rare Book Room of JTS.
You’re looking for a version of me other than the Masoretic text.


26. Introducing a Legend To You


27. Tani Cohen

Tani was a cowboy who took me bowlin’
In an ice arena with a hockey team,
And some said he was actually Canadian,
But he just said he wanted to follow his dreams.

So, we packed our bags and left the USA,
Headed straight to the USSR.
And we met with Bismarck with Bismarck who put us on hold
As he made a deal with Goethe to sell him his car
Tani would do anything for Prussia,
He said, “I’ll even conquer Belgium and Scotland for you.
As long as long as you don’t ask about Mumbai or France
Cuz they’ve got their own missions that they want me to do—cuz I’m Tani… (Cohen)…”

So, he put some jeans on over his overalls
And wore his lucky scuba goggles with his lucky jet pack.
Genghis Khan wrote him a letter from Khazar,
Saying, “I’ve got Swiss chocolate if you ever get back.”

Tani danced all night to the blues.
Then he blew a sax solo and picked up the flute.
He said “I’m not a betting men, but let’s play poker
‘Cuz I’ve got the King and Queen and Ace of every suit—cuz I’m Tani… (Cohen)…”

He put away the machete and got in the van.
He was never so relieved to be relaxed before.
All his years in Nam and studying law
Flat out went to waste when he cleaned up the store.
He said, “I’ll never do this again.
I really don’t think the convent’s for me.
I can’t confine myself to any piloting school,
And I’m a free mason so I’ve gotta be free—cuz I’m Tani… (Cohen)…”

He officially resigned then from his post at the madrasa
And moved back to San Diego, near Hollywood.
He wrote to George Lucas about a thought he had,
And it had a bigger impact than we thought that it would.
And they made a movie of Tani’s autobiography,
But Tani’s stunt double wrote it entirely,
And he moved into the Qatar Embassy.
He was unemployed, but he said, “I bet they’ll hire me—cuz I’m Tani (Cohen)…”

When Tani was released from jail the next day,
Quentin Tarantino’s film was finally released.
They added musical numbers just to keep it upbeat.
It was the #1 film in the Middle East.
But, Tani Cohen wasn’t well received in Spain.
They’d mistranslated the title and the opening line.
So, Tani said, “Now, I’ve had it with this world;
There’ll never be another contract I’m gonna sign—‘cuz I’m Tani… (Cohen)…”


28. Trying Again With a Pineapple


29. Pineapple Part 2 (This One’s Got Music and Words)

Drums improvised by Alan Silverman
Everything else by Jonah Rank

Hey, somebody come, and eat me please.
I’d be down on my knees
If I only had knees,
But I don’t have knees,
And neither do kiwis or grapefruit,
And neither do grapes or chocolate,
And neither do carrots or cornflakes,
And neither do typical foods that vegans eat
Unless they’re genetically engineered
Or something really weird
Like that,
In which case the food might wear nametags
And a mustache and a hat,
But I’m a pineapple.
I am a Pineapple.
And I am tropical.
And I am topical.
You know, I just can’t breathe so well
Not even puffers do the trick.
And I can’t do any damage to my lungs,
But I still refuse to smoke
Because it’s bad for the environment—
Because I’m not sure also that…
I’m not sure whether or not I’m capable
Of lighting a match or possessing thumbs that really are opposable.
I can’t say that I feel too strongly either way
About whether or not smoking is okay
Because usually pineapples don’t even vote
Because they don’t even have a brain.
And part of the problem is that I don’t feel
Anything at all today.
And I can never feel anything
Because my senses are limited.
Cuz I’m a pineapple.
I am a pineapple.
And I am tropical.
And I am topical.
And I’m going to be here
All week long.
But you might want to eat me soon,
Or else I might start rotting,
But I’m not going surfing.

Here’s to you, Allison Adges…
Ah-hoo!
Pineapples of London…

Oh…
People often ask me, do I have superpowers,
And I say, “No! What do you think? I mean,
I’m a pineapple:
I have no cape,
And I have no secret identity,
And there aren’t even changing booths anymore.
And the last superhero movie that I saw
Made me want to quit my dayjob
Because I had formerly been a superhero.
And no one here is in clear and present danger
Not these days anyway—
At least not when they see that I’m just a pineapple
Nobody cares.
Nobody cares.
Won’t somebody eat me please?
I’m down on my metaphorical knees.
Cuz I’m a pineapple.
I’m just a pineapple.
Cuz I’m a pineapple.


30. Flying To the Next Adventure (And Thanks)

Thanks:
I’d like to thank all family, friends, teachers, and everyone whose lives have influenced mine. I’d like to thank everyone who was thanked in the liner-notes of my two previous CDs: Loud and Dumb and Your Favorite Album, and I’d additionally like to thank everybody who collaborated with me on the creation of this album as well as the following people who did not directly work on this album: Abby Bernstein, Adina Bernstein, Adina Rosen, Aharon Varady, Allison Davis, Allison Poirier, Andre Rivie, Alisha Kaplan, Ariana Tobias, Ariella Epel, Ariella Rosen, Asia Mei, Ben Folds, Ben Herman, Brad Garton, C.J. Glass, Candace Tabbs, Chava Creque, Dan di Paolo, Dan Iglesia, Dana Kline, Daniel Chorny, Davey Rosen, David Irwin, Derrick Ashong, Dov Fields, Eliana Kissner, Ellen Gray, Ellie Hisama, Emily Watkins, Erica Dashow, Etta Abramson, Eva Gonzalez-Ruskiewicz, Frani Goodman, Gabriella Spitzer, Geoffrey Holbrook, Hanabiell Sanders, Ishmael Osekre, Jacob Taber, Jeffrey Milarsky, Jill Shapiro, Joel Chorny, John Szwed, John Teal, Jonathan Hack, Joseph Patterson, Josh Dickinson, Josh Warshawsky, Katy Beehler, Kristin Young, Lauren Tuchman, Lee Epstein, Leora Perkins, Lorene Bouboushian, Lydia Walker, Ma’ayan Bar-Yam, Marlon Feld, Maria Carson, Marina Evans, Mary Blahovec, Masha Mitlina, Matt Klein, Matthew Hass, the Maier family, Mia Simring, Micah Shilcrat, Michael Krant, Michal Richardson, Mike McKeever, Mitzi Steiner, Myq Kaplan, Nara Garber, Nichole Chorny, Nina Kretzmer, Pat Zimmerli, Peter Himmelman, Phillip Askew, Rachel Dudley-slash-Zerin—whatever her name is, Rachel Goldstein, Rami Schwartzer, Richard Braverman, Robert Somerville, Roni Tabick, Sam Shuman, Sam Zerin, Sammie Schwab, Sandy Perry Sequoya Johnston, Sara Bareilles, Sarah Myerson, Sarah Taber, Sarit Horwitz, Sean Hallowell, Shao-Wen Ang, Shoshi Tabick, Shuli Passow, Simon Dick, Simeon Cohen, Stanley Ely, Tani Cohen, Terry Pender, Thomas Slanover, Tzafrir Barzilay, Veronica Booz, Yakov Hadash, Yoni Stadlin, Zach Cohen, all my peers in grad school, everybody whom I got to know through working for Brandeis University’s Office of High School for the summer of 2010, and everybody whom I should have thanked but neglected to thank so far: for those of ya’ll in the last category, I’ll try and thank you next time.


31. Tonight I’ll Be Flyin’

Well, I’m sittin’ in the airport,
And I hear music overhead.
There’s a country song about travelin’
And a song for someone’s friend.
I can hear the cries of babies
And the innocent laughs of kids.
But in my head there’s playin’
A sweet song that goes like this:

Chorus:
Tonight I’ll be flyin’
At nauseatin’ heights.
Tonight I’ll be on an airplane,
And I might vomit each time we turn.
Tonight I’ll be reflectin’
On the notion of the afterlife.
Tonight I’ll be hopin’
That my plane don’t crash and burn. (Crash and burn.)
Tonight, I hope my plane don’t crash and burn.

Just 25 minutes ago,
I was standin’ in a line,
Which, according to geometry,
Has two ends that are undefined,
And it was true in the case of security here
Cuz I stood there for all time,
And, as I removed electronics and shoes,
I sang that age-old rhyme:

Chorus

So whether you’re a terrorist
Or a simple folk like me,
We deal with erratic people
And all those laws of gravity.
All it takes is one glitch in the system
And that can happen soon.
So let’s hold hands and dance and smile
And sing that sacred tune:

Chorus


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